Journal 6

Women and men cannot be just friends, because the threat of intimacy is always present in the friendship. Also, the more time you spend with someone, the more likely you are going to be attracted to them. It is almost inevitable that one person in the relationship will be attracted to the other. This idea is present in the film viewed in class, “When Harry Met Sally.” In the movie, Harry says to Sally, "men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way." His theory is proven true at the end of the movie, when Harry and Sally develop feelings for each other after becoming close friends. In one of the YouTube videos, several college students were interviewed on whether or not male-female friendships can exist. One of the male students said that men “will always have those feelings for their female friends, and that they can be content with friendship and silent about their feelings, but they’re still going to have them.” Also revealed in the interviews was that the males either liked their female friends at one point, or would hook up with their female friends if given the opportunity. In the article “Good Reasons Not to Sleep With Her,” by Lynda Gorov, Gorov quotes Kathy Werking, Ph.D., author of We're Just Good Friends: Women and Men in Nonromantic Relationships; Werking says, “Men have a difficult time separating friendship from romance. They don't get the subtleties of relationships.” These points show that although a male and female friendship may not develop into a relationship, the attraction is always there at one point. In the article “Jeff and Juliet- a new kind of friendship,” written by Juliet Lapidos about her platonic relationship with her male friend Jeff, Juliet says, “We were sure that we would never become romantic partners, that our relationship would always be placidly sexless. This has so far borne out: Excluding the summer when we first met and shared an awkward, pubescent kiss on Independence Day—and another, even more awkward moment on a trampoline shortly thereafter—there's been no romance.” Even though Juliet believes that her friendship with Jeff is purely platonic, that feeling of attraction was present during their kiss when they first met, and that moment on the trampoline. Her relationship may not have been ruined because of this, but their attraction to each other was once present, meaning their relationship was not always platonic. Another interesting point about male-female friendships is made in the article “Good Reasons Not to Sleep With Her,” by Lynda Gorov, is made by Jeff, a good friend of the author; referencing close male-female friendships, Jeff explains, “You like her. She likes you. You get along great. You're both unattached. So why not take the next step?" Although Jeff contradicts the point of view of the article, his point of point of view is more valid because it shows that there is not much of a difference in being friends with someone of the opposite gender, and being attracted to someone of the opposite gender. Male-female friendships cannot exist because when you become friends with someone, you befriend them because you can connect with them, you like their qualities, and you have similar interests and personality types; however, you also look for these qualities and connections with people you are attracted to and want to have a relationship with.

I think that the only major benefit of being friends with someone of the opposite gender is to get their view on things, such as opinions on relationships. In her article, Gorov explains that one of the perks of being in a male-female friendship is that “you’ll receive the female [or male] version of events.” The major drawback of a cross-sex platonic friendship is that women and men look for different things in a friendship, and relate to their friends in different ways. This is explained in the article “Can Men And Women Be Friends? Male-Female Friendship Can Be Tricky, But Both Benefit From Cross-Sex Buddyhood,” by Camille Chatterjee, in which Chatterjee quotes psychologist Linda Sapadin. Sapadin explains, “Women spend the majority of their time together discussing their thoughts and feelings, while men tend to be far more group-oriented. Males gather to play sports or travel or talk stock quotes; rarely do they share feelings or personal reflections. This may explain why they seem to get far more out of cross-sex friendship than their female counterparts... [Women] expect more emotional rewards from friendship than men do, so they're easily disappointed when they don't receive them.” Males and females cannot be friends because they have different standards for a friendship, and their platonic relationships are ultimately doomed by attraction.