Journal 6

Women and men cannot be just friends, because the threat of intimacy is always present in the friendship. Also, the more time you spend with someone, the more likely you are going to be attracted to them. It is almost inevitable that one person in the relationship will be attracted to the other. This idea is present in the film viewed in class, “When Harry Met Sally.” In the movie, Harry says to Sally, "men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way." His theory is proven true at the end of the movie, when Harry and Sally develop feelings for each other after becoming close friends. In one of the YouTube videos, several college students were interviewed on whether or not male-female friendships can exist. One of the male students said that men “will always have those feelings for their female friends, and that they can be content with friendship and silent about their feelings, but they’re still going to have them.” Also revealed in the interviews was that the males either liked their female friends at one point, or would hook up with their female friends if given the opportunity. In the article “Good Reasons Not to Sleep With Her,” by Lynda Gorov, Gorov quotes Kathy Werking, Ph.D., author of We're Just Good Friends: Women and Men in Nonromantic Relationships; Werking says, “Men have a difficult time separating friendship from romance. They don't get the subtleties of relationships.” These points show that although a male and female friendship may not develop into a relationship, the attraction is always there at one point. In the article “Jeff and Juliet- a new kind of friendship,” written by Juliet Lapidos about her platonic relationship with her male friend Jeff, Juliet says, “We were sure that we would never become romantic partners, that our relationship would always be placidly sexless. This has so far borne out: Excluding the summer when we first met and shared an awkward, pubescent kiss on Independence Day—and another, even more awkward moment on a trampoline shortly thereafter—there's been no romance.” Even though Juliet believes that her friendship with Jeff is purely platonic, that feeling of attraction was present during their kiss when they first met, and that moment on the trampoline. Her relationship may not have been ruined because of this, but their attraction to each other was once present, meaning their relationship was not always platonic. Another interesting point about male-female friendships is made in the article “Good Reasons Not to Sleep With Her,” by Lynda Gorov, is made by Jeff, a good friend of the author; referencing close male-female friendships, Jeff explains, “You like her. She likes you. You get along great. You're both unattached. So why not take the next step?" Although Jeff contradicts the point of view of the article, his point of point of view is more valid because it shows that there is not much of a difference in being friends with someone of the opposite gender, and being attracted to someone of the opposite gender. Male-female friendships cannot exist because when you become friends with someone, you befriend them because you can connect with them, you like their qualities, and you have similar interests and personality types; however, you also look for these qualities and connections with people you are attracted to and want to have a relationship with.

I think that the only major benefit of being friends with someone of the opposite gender is to get their view on things, such as opinions on relationships. In her article, Gorov explains that one of the perks of being in a male-female friendship is that “you’ll receive the female [or male] version of events.” The major drawback of a cross-sex platonic friendship is that women and men look for different things in a friendship, and relate to their friends in different ways. This is explained in the article “Can Men And Women Be Friends? Male-Female Friendship Can Be Tricky, But Both Benefit From Cross-Sex Buddyhood,” by Camille Chatterjee, in which Chatterjee quotes psychologist Linda Sapadin. Sapadin explains, “Women spend the majority of their time together discussing their thoughts and feelings, while men tend to be far more group-oriented. Males gather to play sports or travel or talk stock quotes; rarely do they share feelings or personal reflections. This may explain why they seem to get far more out of cross-sex friendship than their female counterparts... [Women] expect more emotional rewards from friendship than men do, so they're easily disappointed when they don't receive them.” Males and females cannot be friends because they have different standards for a friendship, and their platonic relationships are ultimately doomed by attraction. 

Exercise 7

Although I usually listen to music before I go to bed, listening to the most moving music I know of every night was an overall amazing experience. I really appreciated listening to these great, powerful songs with no other distractions. Some of my favorite moving songs that I listened to were: “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion, “Speechless” by Lady Gaga, “You and I” by Ingrid Michaelson, and “Valerie” by Amy Winehouse. By listening to these songs at the end of the day, I was able to relax and reflect on the important things in my life. Much of the music I listened to was thought provoking, and the songs themselves were very emotional and consisted of relatable circumstances. Often these circumstances were ones that I could personally relate to. Although this experience was a positive one, listening to so many moving songs all at once often overwhelmed me. Many of the songs provoked a lot of strong emotions, which made it difficult to listen to them together every night. After this experience, I gained a deeper insight on the impact of music on our lives. Music has such a great impact on us because we are often able to relate to either the tone of the music or the lyrics specifically, and listening to music gives us an outlet to express our emotions.

When I asked my friend to recommend the most amazing music she knows, she gave me a list of countless songs, due to the fact that she is obsessed with music. The songs were of varying genres, tones, and meanings, which made it more interesting to listen to her choices in music. A lot of the music that I listen to is influenced by this friend because she often shows me new songs she enjoys and thinks that I will enjoy. We have always had a similar taste in music, and after listening to her favorite songs, I found that we loved a lot of the same amazing music. I really enjoyed listening to the songs on her list that I had never heard of before, because doing so opened my eyes to different artists and genres that others enjoy listening to. By listening to my friend’s amazing song recommendations, I was able to see what kind of music impacted her, and think about why these songs had such a huge impact on her. I noticed that a lot of the music was reflective of my friend’s personality, which is very fun and energetic. Also, many of her song choices had lyrics about going out and living life to the fullest, which is a lesson my friend takes to heart. Music is so influential in our lives because it can affect our actions, such as living life to the fullest, and influence our way of thought. 

Exercise 6

Five fun activities I’ve always wanted to do with friends, but have not done, include going to see a concert, taking a self-defense class, having a favorite movie marathon, going on a road trip, and camping. One of the activities I actually did with two of my close friends was having a movie marathon. Both of my friends came to my house, and we each brought our two favorite movies. The most fun part of the activity was being able to relax and watch great movies with two of my closest friends. I enjoyed the downtime spent with them, and they also said they had fun spending this time together. The greatest barrier that prevented us from doing this prior was finding a time that we could all hang out one day to watch roughly 12 hours of movies. Our schedules have become increasingly busy, and finding a time that we could all meet was fairly difficult. Although we couldn’t necessarily remove this barrier, we planned the day to hang out a week in advance so we would all be free. Taking time out of our busy lives to hang out and watch movies proved to be a nice way for all of us to catch up and spend more time together. Because the day proved to be enjoyable, my friends and I will plan to do this and other fun activities more often.

The first person I interviewed about male-female friendships was my mother. When I asked her if males and females could be friends, she said yes, particularly when both the male and female friends have their own love interests. She said this takes the pressure off of the friends to be in a relationship and/or fall in love. She added that if the friends do not have significant others, there is a higher probable cause that they will keep their friendship and their friendship will remain strong. When I interviewed my brother about this topic, he said that males and females could be friends, as long as they treat each other as same-gender friends. One of my brother’s best friends is a girl, and he said that he treats her “like one of the guys.” By doing so, they’re relationship stays on the friendship level. Also, he says that because their relationship is so close, and that she is like a sister to him, it would be strange to become boyfriend-girlfriend with her. He mentions that this concept can apply to many male-female friendships, and that not all are bound to date each other. When I interviewed one of my female friends, she said that if the male and female are very close friends, the threat of becoming boyfriend-girlfriend is greater. She said that if the two are very close, the more time they spend together the more they will be attracted to each other. She also mentions that if they are such great friends, they must have similar interests and personality types, which also increases their chances of becoming attracted to each other and dating. When I asked another female friend, she said that many male and female friends can maintain a friendship without becoming boyfriend-girlfriend, especially if there is no physical attraction involved and the friendship is well established. This means that the boy and girl know that they will only remain friends, and do not plan on taking their relationship any further. Lastly, after interviewing one of my male friends, he said that it is possible for male and female friends to develop feelings for each other, especially if they spend a lot of time together. However, it is possible to maintain a platonic relationship if they only view each other as friends, and only treat each other as friends. 

Exercise 5

This weekend I ran a laugh yoga session with my family, including my mother, father, two younger brothers, and some cousins. When running the session, I tried to use as many exercises as I could that we learned in class. For example, I had everyone go up to each other and shake hands while laughing. Also, I had the group members lift their arms up and laugh generously, make a laugh milkshake by adding different kinds of laughter, and say general, unamusing words and laugh as hard as possible at them. We also tried the rowboat laughing exercise and the centipede exercise. At the end of the session, I found that most of the group members found the laugh yoga session to be fun. I also learned that the younger kids had more fun doing the laugh yoga, because they enjoyed acting silly. My parents seemed a little uncomfortable throughout the session, and did not enjoy it as much. At the end, my dad said, “I don’t really think the laugh yoga session did anything for me, I thought the forced laughter aspect seemed a bit awkward.” My mom was a little bit less reluctant, but agreed with my dad by saying, “The session was amusing, but I don’t feel that I really got that into it.” On the other hand, one of my brothers explained, “I thought the laugh yoga was fun because it gave us the opportunity to be silly and laugh with each other. I enjoyed seeing everyone else laughing, and it became sort of contagious.” I think the session may have been better if everyone was closer in age, but I think overall the experience was a positive one. Most of the members seemed to be happier, and appreciated the opportunity to freely laugh.

I spent more time with my mom this weekend, and made a deposit in her emotional bank by doing nice things for her while she was sick. By doing so, my mother was very appreciative and seemed to be happier. I made her tea and soup, and watched a movie with her. The experience went well because we both enjoyed each other’s company, and she was grateful of the gestures I made. Although I enjoyed spending time with her, there were several barriers that prevented me from spending more time, such as having to finish homework, and playing with electronics. I think these barriers can be improved upon, but cannot be fully removed. When I told my mom I wanted to spend more time with her, she was happy but knew that these barriers existed. In order to diminish these barriers, I would have to spend less time using electronics, and have better time management in completing my homework so that I’m not struggling to finish it at the end of the night. This way, I will have more free time to spend with my mom, and other important people in my life that I do not get to spend enough quality time with. 

Movie Test

Part 1:

Throughout the film “As Good as It Gets,” the main characters Melvin, Carol, and Simon gradually develop relationships that promote cooperation. Towards the beginning of the movie, Melvin and Carol do not always get along, nor do Melvin and Simon. However, as the movie progresses the characters learn that they are happier and their lives are better when they are more compassionate and altruistic towards each other. For example, Melvin and Carol develop a deeper relationship when Melvin pays for a doctor for Carol’s son and gives her the kindest compliments. Also, Melvin and Simon are able to get along after Melvin brings Simon to Maryland to visit his parents, and even let’s Simon stay in his apartment. The characters prove that by cooperating and helping each other, their lives turn out better. They come to see the humanity in each other by realizing that each of them needs support, such as Melvin with his OCD, Carol with her sick son, and Simon with his parents and loss of his apartment. The characters realize that the best way to help each other is through compassion. By performing altruistic acts they come together to support each other in usual situations. By coming along with Melvin and Simon on the trip to Maryland, Carol listens to Simon’s childhood story and gives him more courage to face his parents. Also, they are able to come together after Melvin allows Simon to stay in his apartment when Simon has nowhere else to stay. The three diverse characters develop closer relationships towards the end of the film because of human compassion, cooperation, and altruism.

Part 2:

In the film, reciprocal altruism is illustrated when Melvin pays for the doctor to take care of Carol’s son because he wants Carol to return to work. This scene demonstrates reciprocal altruism because Melvin pays for the doctor, and expects in return that Carol will come back to work. He wants her to do so because he loves her and she is the only waitress that will put up with him. In the end, Carol does return to work. Reciprocal altruism is also demonstrated in the scene in which Carol gives Melvin a compliment when they are out to dinner, and expects a compliment back. In return, Melvin explains that although he is opposed to it, he has started to take his pills for OCD. He says to her, “you make me want to be a better man.” After receiving the kind compliment from Carol, Melvin reciprocates this kindness by giving her a compliment. The film also demonstrates the theory of kin selection in the scene when during her date, Carol goes to help her son Spencer with his asthma although she already knows that her mom is taking care of him. Despite the fact that she has to interrupt her date, she leaves to go help her son because it is her natural instinct to make sure he is all right, which illustrates kin selection. In addition to this scene, the scene in which Carol’s mother wants to take her out shows kin selection because her mother wants to make her daughter happy. Lastly, the film exemplifies the empathy-altruism hypothesis in the scene where Melvin allows Simon to stay in his apartment, because he has nowhere else to stay. Melvin becomes so empathetic that he loses sense of his own needs, such as not having anyone else in his apartment, especially Simon. 

Altruism and Psychological Egoism

Part One:

1. What essentially motivates humans to be altruistic and compassionate?

Some believe that humans act altruistically only to reap selfish benefits, as in the idea of universal egoism; however, there are several positive motivations that influence someone to be compassionate. For example, in Charles Darwin’s second theory of natural selection, he states that humans and animals have a motivation to cooperate and promote survival, because “helping is essential to life.” Also, humans have a motivation to help because doing so gives life meaning. For instance, in the book “Firehouse” by David Halberstam, firefighters claim that their motivation to help total strangers is to give their lives meaning, and to “do something of value, something that matters in the community” (pg. 66-67). Some people are also inspired by their religion or beliefs, as in the case of Keziah Furth, who helped people in Haiti after the earthquake. While in Haiti, one of Keziah’s greatest motivations was god. Lastly, many humans are motivated to help by their universe of obligation, in which they feel a sense of responsibility for specific people. This idea is mainly demonstrated in kin selection, in which altruism first occurs within kin, and the fact that parents have a strong motivation to make their kids happy.

2. Why did Darwin change his original theory of natural selection, and how does his new theory relate to human behaviors regarding altruism?

Darwin’s original theory explained that the primary concern of organisms was their own survival. However, Darwin later realized that cooperation increases the chance of survival, rather than competition. Meerkats demonstrate this theory because this species looks out for other animals, and gives warning signals to these animals if there is any sign of danger. Also, vampire bats demonstrate Darwin’s later theory because vampire bats that were able to obtain blood for food regurgitate the blood for those bats that were not able to obtain any. By acting altruistically, these animals are increasing their chances of survival. Darwin’s new theory relates to human behaviors regarding altruism because humans have “the desire to help one another even if it involves a cost to the helper.” For example, the firefighters risk their lives every day to increase the survival of other human beings. Darwin also discovered that individuals act for the good of the group. This theory relates to the concept of kin selection, in which people act for the well being of their family and friends. It also relates to the universe of obligation of humans, in which they first help their tribes/clan, then their theological groups, then the people of the same nationality. According to Darwin, by acting for the good of the group and cooperating between each other, both humans and animals will increase their chances of survival.

3. How does the concept of reciprocal altruism demonstrate the goodness of human nature?

Reciprocal altruism is when “an organism acts in a manner that temporarily reduces its fitness while increasing another organism’s fitness, with the expectation that kindness will be reciprocated.” It is proven that unselfishness activates the reward part in the brain, which shows that people feel rewarded when they help others, and often feel pleased when others help him or her. For example, in the Bememba Tribe, if someone breaks a rule, they are loved and praised instead of punished. By receiving kindness from their community, this person is more likely to reciprocate that kindness by not doing anything bad again. Also, in the liberty mutual adds, people act altruistically because they are pleased when someone else performs a kind act for them. Kindness is almost contagious in this way, and inspires others to do good deeds and reciprocate the kindness.

Part Two:

I think it is true that psychological egoism exists, for everyone in one way or another acts to satisfy their own needs. Especially considering that psychological egoism does not include selfishness, many people subconsciously act in their own self-interest. However, this does not mean that these people cannot have altruistic desires, and also act to benefit others. People are hard wired to be compassionate and will naturally help those in distress. For example, when you empathize with someone, “the stronger the empathy, the more likely you lose sense of your own needs and become more motivated to act.” Humans have the capacity to act in a way that benefits only themselves, but to also act in a way that benefits others. I think for the most part human behaviors naturally consist of both psychological egoism and altruism, for one’s desires can benefit themselves, as well as others. 

Exercise 4

There are many problems that I would like to address before I die, but one of the most important ones on my list is improving conditions in impoverished areas around the world. I would like to help raise money to buy necessary goods, such as food and materials for homes, for these places. I also hope to take part in service projects in these areas in order to improve the standard of living. This past summer I traveled to Ecuador, where 18 of my classmates and I worked to put down water pipes that would give clean water to an impoverished community. Helping out in this community made me feel accomplished, and has inspired me to do service projects in other poor communities around the world. According to Darwin in his later theory, “helping is essential to life.” This idea supports my goal of improving conditions in impoverished areas and increasing other peoples’ chances of survival. Along with completing service projects, I would also like to help sick animals, especially dogs, before I die. Having owned dogs my whole life, I feel a certain compassion towards them, and I feel a sense of responsibility for them. To help these canines, I hope to volunteer at the MSPCA. More specifically, one of my goals is to promote awareness about animal cruelty and how to put an end to it. In trying to attempt one of my solutions, I volunteered at a local animal shelter. By helping out at the shelter, I felt satisfied that my actions were contributing to the welfare of these dogs. By demonstrating prosocial behavior, specifically by helping out in impoverished communities and animal shelters, I hope to do good in the world before I die.

After keeping a record of the number of times I used the words “thank you” in one day, my grand total came to about 15. Growing up, my parents raised me with values that included saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ in every suitable circumstance. During the course of a week, I tried to double the number of times that I said the words. I found this quite easy, because I was already so accustomed to saying thank you at every opportunity. Increasing the amount of times I said thank you seemed to make others more happy and satisfied with their actions, demonstrating the positive effects of reciprocity. For example, by saying thank you to someone who held the door open for me, he or she usually gave a kind “you’re welcome” or “no problem,” and appeared to be pleased with their action. Saying thank you more often had a positive effect on me because I realized there are some things I take for granted, like being able to cross the street safely with the help of a crossing guard. Recently, when a crossing guard allowed me to cross the street, I said thank you not just because I had to for this exercise, but because I actually appreciated the time this he was taking to make sure my brother and I could safely cross. After saying thank you, the officer smiled, which in turn made me feel better. I now notice all actions that are worth appreciation, and I make sure to share that appreciation. Doing so makes me happier, and by saying the two simple words “thank you,” I can make someone else happier.